Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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