whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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