i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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