I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
