Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
