i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
