Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
