i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
