I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
