No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
