the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
