Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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