Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
