he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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