Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
