so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
