Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
