sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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