Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
