you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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