just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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