He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
