Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
