thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
did i walk over a car last night?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize