i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
