Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
