I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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