all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
