I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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