I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
