We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
