Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
