let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
