we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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