Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
