I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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