When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
