Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
