i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
