I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
