Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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