I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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