I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
