I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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