I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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