i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
