I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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