man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
