gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
