Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need a beard to bite.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
