Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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