I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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