just tell him i said nine months
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
